Exam Season: The Suffering Olympics

Olaaaa, I’m bored. It's nothing new, but I thought I'd let everyone know.  Ah yes. That time of year again. The time when the universe collectively decides: “Let’s torture students and make them question all their life choices.” Red Bull/coffee/chai replaces water, sleep schedules vanish like a magician’s rabbit, and suddenly, even folding your underwear drawer feels like productivity. Welcome to exam season.

And look, I know. I know mujhe abhi padhna chahiye. Like right now. Notes khol ke, syllabus revise karke, ekdum focused student ban kar. But instead? Here I am, writing this nonsense because ranting on the internet is easier than reading one page of Political Science. Priorities.

Because here’s the thing — exams are not just about studying. Nah. They’re about the rituals of not studying. 

That moment where you open your book, stare at the first line for ten minutes, then suddenly decide to clean your table because obviously a neat table will help you understand Freud better. Or the classic move: “Today I’ll finish the whole syllabus.” End of day? You’ve highlighted the word Introduction in five different neon shades and called it progress. 

Your notes now resemble a rainbow murder scene, with pixie poo and Powerpuff caricatures. Congrats, Picasso, you've accomplished success!

And let’s talk about WhatsApp groups. 

The biggest scam of modern education. 

We'll name the group "Study Buddies šŸ’ÆšŸ“š". Reality:

  • 20% panic voice notes that sound like motivational speeches but end with “bhai main fail ho jaunga.”

  • 30% links to 3-hour YouTube crash courses nobody will ever open.

  • 50% memes. Only memes. But honestly? The memes are the only thing keeping us alive.

Then comes the exam diet. Normal people eat balanced meals. Exam season people? Different story altogether.

Breakfast? Balanced? Please. After that one cup of chai and two biscuits, kaun khaata hai aur kuch?

Lunch? Subah zabardasti khakhra khila diya hota hai, toh ab sirf ek roti, half a kalchi dal aur do aloo ke tukde nikalte hain.

Dinner? Zyaada kuch nahi chahiye bas — pani puri, cheese burst pizza, pasta aur ek plate momo khila do. But then comes the classic: “Bahar ka nahi khana hai, tabiyat bigad jayegi.” šŸ„² Bro, meri tabiyat toh already bigad gayi hai is syllabus se.

And of course, cold coffee becomes your new blood type. At this point, you’re not human anymore — you’re just 70% caffeine and 30% anxiety.

Aur fir aati hai woh 2 baje wali bhookh. Jab poora ghar so raha hota hai, tab pet mein aisi hunger strike lagti hai ki bas. Aur us waqt ka asli khana? Sadak wali Maggi with extra cheese and extra mirchi, with cold coffee ya shake on the side. Abhi likhte-likhte hi bhookh lag gayi.

And oh, the sleep schedule. Gone. Finished. Deleted. 

Either you convince yourself to take a “short nap” at 8 pm and wake up at 3 am questioning your existence, or you proudly pull an all-nighter and still don’t touch half the syllabus. 

The only thing consistent? Existential dread. It’s like a syllabus chapter nobody escapes.

And the funniest part? Exams always feel like the end of the world. Like if you don’t memorise the 47 merits of FPTP, life will collapse. Then you actually write the paper, walk out of the hall, and within ten minutes everyone’s already like “Chal kal party karte hain, McDonald’s?” Apocalypse cancelled. Stress evaporated. Suddenly, life is good again.

Also, can we talk about the delusions we build? Like, the motivational pep talks we give ourselves:

  • “One night is enough to study a whole book.” (Lies.)

  • “I study better under pressure.” (No you don’t.)

  • “This time I’ll start early.” (HAHAHA. No you won’t.)

And don’t even get me started on the random distractions. During exams, EVERYTHING except studying becomes attractive. You suddenly care about skincare routines, rearranging socks by colour, and deep-cleaning your Spotify playlists. Yesterday, I spent two hours learning how to make dalgona coffee again. Two hours. For what? To avoid reading Chapter 7 of PE.

But okay, let’s be real — exam season is tough, stressful, exhausting. Yet it’s also kinda hilarious when you step back and look at the circus. Because every year, without fail, we survive. We complain, we cry, we panic, we meme, but we survive. And a few years later, you’ll laugh at the fact that you once cried over a two-mark question.

So yeah, drink water, fake confidence, and remember: passing is temporary, memes are forever.

Okay, imma go learn what cartoons are depicting about the European Union.

BYEEEEEE!

As ever,

Ambika


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