Mirror Mirror on the wall, Who is the me-est of them all?

Mirror Mirror on the wall, Who is the me-est of them all?

Today I had an interesting discussion with Mumma about social media. About jealousy. About this constant one upping as if life has quietly turned into some never ending scoreboard where everyone is refreshing to check who is ahead. I agree that money matters. Fame can open doors. Influence can create opportunities that talent alone sometimes cannot. I am not pretending none of that counts. It does. We live in a world where visibility can change your life. But the real question is how much of it is enough before it slowly starts owning you instead of you owning it.

This race we are all running, sometimes willingly and sometimes without even realizing it, does not end at fame. It does not end at money. It does not end at a blue tick or a brand collaboration or a story view count. After the fame comes comparison. After the comparison comes insecurity. After insecurity comes the desperate need to show that you are still winning. And that desperation is silent. It hides behind curated feeds and carefully chosen captions.

There is this pressure to look perfectly set at all times. Perfect skin. Perfect friend group. Perfect relationship. Perfect airport pictures. Perfect gym body. Perfect productivity. Perfect peace. It is like we are constantly auditioning for a role in our own lives. But life has never been a straight road. It has potholes, detours, flat tyres and random breakdowns on a Tuesday when you least expect it. It has crying in bathrooms. It has cancelled plans. It has insecurity at 2 am. And that is normal. That is real. That is human.

Somewhere along the way, the need to live became the need to prove. To prove that you are right. To prove that you are relevant. To prove that you are evolving. To prove that you are happier than you were last year. To prove that you can do what others are doing and somehow do it better in every sphere of life. Academics, body, relationships, social circle, income, happiness, even spirituality. It becomes a checklist of achievements rather than a journey of becoming.

And the scariest part is that sometimes you win the race you were running and still feel empty. You get the likes. You get the applause. You get the validation. And yet something feels slightly hollow. Because external applause is loud but internal peace is quiet. And if you are not at peace with yourself, no amount of clapping will fix that.

Then comes the quiet moment. The one nobody posts. The one where you are alone in your room. No ring light. No background music. No aesthetic angle. Just you and a mirror. And sometimes you look at yourself and realize you do not like much about the person staring back. That line from Bruce Springsteen in Dancing in the Dark hits differently when he sings, I check my look in the mirror, wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face, man, I ain't gettin' nowhere. It is such a raw line because it captures something we rarely admit. That urge to fix ourselves to be more acceptable. More desirable. More impressive. That is not an influencer problem. That is a human problem amplified by algorithms.

And I am not blaming anyone. I am not pointing fingers at any influencer. Most of them are just navigating a system that rewards consistency, beauty, relatability and drama all at once. It is hard not to get pulled into it when your income depends on engagement. But what we are really chasing most of the time is validation. Applause. Proof that we matter. Proof that we are seen.

It is often said that we come alone and we leave alone. You cannot carry your fame with you. You cannot be buried with opinions. You cannot take your followers into the afterlife as emotional security. So why is so much of our present spent trying to impress an audience that might forget us in a week?

Why not enjoy a moment just because it feels good. Praise someone without secretly planning to outperform them later. Celebrate another person’s success without turning it into a silent competition in your head. Tell someone they look beautiful and actually mean it. Let someone shine without dimming their light in your mind.

Seek validation from people who truly matter to you. The ones who have seen you at your worst. The ones who know what you look like without filters. The ones who sit next to you in silence and still feel comfortable. The world is not obligated to validate you every second of every day. The need to be the center of attention feels thrilling when it happens organically. It feels empty when you are constantly provoking it.

Be who you are. You are unique. You are you. As Dr. Seuss said, there is no one alive who is youer than you. It sounds like something from a children’s book, but maybe we need to hear it more. Because somewhere between growing up and growing visible, we forget that being ourselves was once effortless.

Look in the mirror. Wear that Gucci or Prada because you genuinely like how it feels on your skin, not because you want someone to zoom into the brand logo. Wear that dress because you think your legs look amazing in it, not because you are waiting for someone to confirm it in your comments. If someone compliments you, smile. Say thank you. Let it land. Compliment them back if you mean it. And move on. Do not build your identity on that one sentence.

Social media is financially helpful. It connects people. It builds businesses. It gives voices to people who were never heard before. But it is also an instant dopamine shot. A like. A comment. A share. A notification that lights up your screen and your brain at the same time. And dopamine is addictive. The problem starts when you cannot feel good about yourself without it.

Imagine finding that feeling within yourself. Imagine waking up and not immediately checking who viewed your story. Imagine looking into the mirror and feeling proud of the person you see there. Not because of what you posted. Not because of what you own. Not because of who you were seen with. Just because of who you are when nobody is watching. To be able to love that human in the mirror without obligations and with utmost trust and truth. To know yourself better than anyone does. To feel like you're your favourite human. 

This does not mean you stop improving. It does not mean you never feel insecure. We all have days where we hate our hair, our body, our decisions, our timing, our life. We all compare. We all overthink. We all scroll and suddenly feel smaller. That is human. But loving yourself does not mean you think you are flawless. It means you refuse to abandon yourself on the days you feel flawed. It means to tell your brain and body that its all good, its just a day, just a phase.

The day people realize they are enough, something shifts internally. Not enough to stop striving. Not enough to stop dreaming big or earning more or building something incredible. Enough to stop reshaping themselves into whatever mould is currently trending. Enough to stop betraying their own personality to fit into someone else’s aesthetic.

Do not pour yourself into a mould that was never built for you. Make your own mould. Even if it looks odd to others. Even if it takes longer to be appreciated, or even if it doesn't, appreciate it yourself, be proud you broke th trend and actually did something worthwhile and unique. 

Mumma always says nobody will remember you for the bag you carried or the car you stepped out of. They will remember how you made them feel. They will remember if you listened. If you laughed with them. If you stood by them. They will remember your personality. Your confidence. Your warmth. Your chaos. Your honesty.

If you are an introvert, own that introvertness. Nobody is asking you to perform on a stage you never wanted to stand on. If you are loud, be loud without shrinking yourself for comfort. If you love deeply, love deeply without fear of looking foolish. Do you. Fully. Authentically. Literally and figuratively. And you are lucky if you find someone who celebrates that version of you without trying to edit it. (I MEAN IT LITERALLY, iykyk)

At the end of the day, when the lights are off, the stories expire, the comments slow down and the phone battery dies, it is just you. And that relationship with yourself is the longest one you will ever have.

So build it. Protect it. Nurture it.

Because fame fades. Money fluctuates. Trends change.

But the person in the mirror stays.

Bas. Aaj ka gyaan thoda extended version mein samapt.

Healing sessions not available, Ms. Pande is on a self exploration journey. ;)

As ever,

Ambika