What Men Want

So in the last blog I spoke about women.

What women want. What women think. Why women are emotionally layered creatures who can cry over a reel, win an argument, overthink six situations simultaneously and still somehow function normally.

And after posting it I said my next blog would be about men.

Or more specifically: what men want.

Now before the male species starts celebrating because finally somebody admitted women are complicated — relax.

You men are equally complicated.At least the ones from my generation are.

Maybe men from Dad’s generation were slightly simpler. Honestly I don’t know. Half of them seem emotionally stable and the other half look like they survived purely on responsibilities, stress, and chai.

But boys today? Oh my God. Complicated creatures.

And before anyone goes: “What do YOU know about men?”

Let me clarify something.

I don’t have a brother. My dad is basically my only bro. And while he and I discuss literally everything from politics to food to why mosquitoes specifically target me, we don’t exactly sit down and have TED Talks about male emotional psychology.

But I observe people. A lot. And unfortunately for everyone around me, my brain never stops analysing human behaviour.

So after years of watching friendships, relationships, situationships, heartbreaks, Instagram stories, male ego battles, emotional disasters, and people pretending not to care while clearly caring deeply — I have thoughts.

Too many thoughts. And somewhere between all these observations, I realised that boys who later become men usually lean towards one of two sides.

Independent. Or overshadowed.

Now in my opinion, boys who later develop into men usually fall into two broad categories:

Independent. Or overshadowed.

Now before somebody starts screaming “not everything is black and white,” relax. I know. Human beings are grey areas wearing shoes. Nobody fits perfectly into one box. But generally speaking, most men lean more towards one side.

The independent man is emotionally self-built.

He knows who he is. He knows what he likes. He has individuality outside of relationships, friendships, validation, or societal approval. He can exist on his own without needing constant reassurance from the world that he matters.

And because of that, he usually loves healthier too.

He doesn’t see love as ownership. He sees it as partnership.

He doesn’t panic if his girlfriend has male friends because his confidence isn’t hanging by a thread. He doesn’t need to constantly dominate situations to feel masculine. He doesn’t think vulnerability makes him weak.

He’s secure enough to be soft.

And honestly? That is one of the most attractive qualities a man can have. It is so damn hot. When a guy talks about his feelings or talks passionately about something he loves, while sounding intellectually grounded and not completely delusional or domineering, oh man, he is hot. 

Oftentimes it's assumed women want a man who is macho in his personality. Nope. I mean, some do, but I feel like, for me, if you can intimidate me even the slightest bit, or question my thinking, or intellectually compete with me, you are hot.

Not six packs. Not height. Not money. The ability to remain calm in who you are.

Now the overshadowed man is different.

And I don’t mean “bad.”

I think people become overshadowed because of upbringing, pressure, comparisons, insecurities, emotional neglect, expectations — all of it.

Some boys grow up constantly compared to others. Some are only praised for achievement. Some are never emotionally heard. Some are taught that the only acceptable emotion for men is anger.

And after a point, masculinity becomes performance.

How dominant you appear. How respected you are. How many girls like you. How emotionally unaffected you look. And honestly?

I feel bad sometimes. Because men are emotionally deprived in ways society barely acknowledges.

I genuinely believe men are just women toughened up to the point where they cannot even trace back to where that softness originally came from.

Because little boys ARE soft. And vulnerability becomes embarrassing.

Which is insane to me because since WHEN did emotions become gendered? A child cries because they’re hurt. That’s it.

But then years later everybody acts shocked when men struggle with emotional communication in relationships.

Of course they do.

Half the male population was emotionally compressed into zip files before they even turned eighteen.

And then women say: “He never communicates.”

Meanwhile the poor guy probably doesn’t even know HOW to communicate because nobody ever let him do it comfortably.

Now obviously this does not excuse terrible behaviour. But it explains a lot. And the more I observed men, the more I realised something else too:

Men want peace.

I think men want someone they can return to after fighting the world all day without feeling judged, criticised, or emotionally unsafe.

And before women get angry — yes obviously women want emotional safety too. Human beings in general want emotional safety.

But I think men specifically crave acceptance.

Not for their money. Not for status. Not for performance.

For who they are underneath all the pressure. Because if you really think about it, the expectations placed on men are ridiculous.

Be successful. Be masculine. Be emotionally strong. But emotionally available. Provide. Protect. Lead. Don’t cry too much. But communicate. Don’t be weak. But be vulnerable.

Dude this is not a personality this is an impossible group project.

And attraction for men is also very different from attraction for women.

For boys and men, I think attraction is probably 60% how she looks, carries herself, laughs, dances, smiles, talks — her overall presence basically.

And the remaining 40%? The impact she creates in his life.

Because realistically, you can meet a million beautiful people. But eventually you want the one person who somehow makes life feel softer. The one who feels peaceful after chaos. The one who brings out the truest version of you. And one thing I’ve noticed?

Men are TERRIFIED of rejection.

To levels they will never openly admit.

Women obviously fear rejection too. But men are usually expected to initiate everything first: the first text, the first move, the first confession, the first risk.

And repeated rejection genuinely bruises confidence after a point. Which is why so many boys act nonchalant before they even try. Because if they pretend not to care, rejection hurts less.

It’s emotional insurance. Which honestly explains so much male behaviour once you think about it.

And because of that, I’ve also realised something women don’t hear enough:

Men actually like it when women make the first move sometimes.

Yes. I said it. Ladies. Go for it.

Now I’m not saying write Shakespearean declarations of love outside his house with a violin. Relax.

But genuinely — text first sometimes. Compliment him. Flirt a little. Show interest. Ask him out for coffee.

A lot of men genuinely appreciate effort because they’re so used to being expected to initiate everything themselves.

And contrary to what “sigma male podcasts” will tell you, effort from a woman does NOT reduce femininity.

If anything, confidence is attractive.

Now, another thing that I saw recently was this reel saying: “Where are the masculine men? Bring masculinity back.”

And the guy basically said: “If the woman is making all the effort, planning dates, chasing you, following up constantly, then what exactly are YOU doing?”

And honestly? I partly agreed.

Because somewhere modern dating confused effort with weakness. Some boys genuinely act like replying on time damages masculinity.

Brother. What do you mean “seen 24 hours ago”?

DROP THE EGO.

We know you like her. She’s given hints. TAKE THE DAMN HINT. This hyper-nonchalant behaviour is exhausting.

And yes women should not have to emotionally mother fully grown men either.

But equally, women constantly chasing emotionally unavailable boys has become weirdly normal too.

Balance died somewhere. And another thing I’ve noticed:

A lot of men today PERFORM masculinity instead of embodying it.

Some men act “alpha” 24/7 like they’re starring in Animal Planet.

“Protector.”
“Dominant male.”
“Leader.”

Brother if she stubs her toe are you going to smash the table in revenge?

Please seek help lovingly. Because real masculinity isn’t loud aggression.

It’s calmness. Reliability. Stability. Emotional control. Quiet confidence.

And emotionally available men are NOT less masculine.

The internet has genuinely fried people’s brains with this “emotionless sigma alpha male” nonsense.

A man who can communicate properly, apologise, stay loyal, regulate emotions, and express affection calmly is far more masculine than somebody punching walls because his girlfriend spoke to another man about homework.

Aggression is not masculinity. Emotional control is. And honestly? Men also need to start SAYING what they want emotionally.

You want reassurance? Say it.

You miss her? Say it.

You want affection? Communicate it.

Drop the ego.

Women are not mind readers despite our excellent investigative abilities.

And another thing I think women underestimate is how deeply men value respect from the woman they love.

The way you speak to him in front of others. The way you acknowledge effort.The way you make him feel capable. That stuff matters to men way more than people realise.A man who constantly feels belittled slowly emotionally shuts down. Just like a woman who constantly feels emotionally ignored slowly detaches.

And can we also discuss how differently men fall in love?

Women usually analyse first and emotionally fall later. Men sometimes emotionally fall first and understand it later. Which is why boys randomly become weird after catching feelings.

Suddenly he’s awkward. Overthinking replies. Acting distant. Being extra annoying.

Because men are not always emotionally articulate creatures.

Sometimes their version of love is literally:
“Did you eat?”
“Text me when you reach.”
“Wear a jacket.”

And somehow that translates to:
“I care about you deeply but don’t know how to say it properly.”

And honestly social media has damaged modern romance a little too.

Everybody wants the aesthetic of love.

Matching stories. Cute reels. Couple photoshoots. Instagram captions.

But the second communication, compromise, patience, or emotional maturity enters the picture everybody disappears mysteriously. Love is not constantly cinematic.

Sometimes love is literally sitting quietly while the other person complains about their horrible day. Sometimes it’s buying them food. Sometimes it’s tolerating their mood without making everything about yourself. Sometimes it’s giving space. And this generation confuses intensity with depth way too much. Just because something is dramatic does not mean it’s meaningful.

And honestly? I think women should try understanding men more too sometimes.

As much as men fail women emotionally, women fail men emotionally too at times.

Because I genuinely think most men are simpler in terms of what they want from life.

Peace. A home. A loving partner. Respect. Maybe children someday. Their dream car. Vacations. Time with people they love.

That’s genuinely enough for many of them. And another thing?

Men remember softness forever.

I genuinely believe that.

A compliment. A forehead kiss. A girl fixing his hair absentmindedly. Someone believing in him during a rough phase.

Women remember emotional detail. Men remember emotional impact.

And people underestimate how deeply kindness affects men because they don’t always express it immediately.

And when women expect men to emotionally listen, I think we should also have the strength to hold space for them too.

Because, as much as we deny it sometimes, women cry and eventually feel lighter. Society rarely allows men that release. Which is why emotional safety matters so much.

If you can create a space where a man feels safe enough to be vulnerable — do it.

And if you’re a man lucky enough to find that kind of woman?

Don’t hold back.

Be emotional.
Be honest.
Be human.

Truly human.

I think both men and women need to stop trying so hard to “win” relationships.

Sometimes it feels like everybody is protecting their ego more than protecting the relationship itself.

“Who texted first?”
“Who cares more?”
“Who folded first?”
“Who apologised first?”

Guyziz, this is not India vs Pakistan. You like each other. PLEASE relax.

Healthy love should not feel like a competition of emotional power.

It should feel like two people choosing each other over and over again despite being imperfect, emotional, dramatic, stubborn human beings.

And honestly? That’s probably the closest thing to perfection we’ll ever get.

Because at the end of the day, I think men and women want very similar things.

To be loved without constantly performing. To be understood without endlessly explaining. To feel chosen. To feel appreciated. To feel emotionally safe enough to become their truest self around another person.

That’s probably it.

I don't believe in Men, ALL BAD and Women, ALL PERFECT. No, hell no. People who think this are toxic af tbh. Please just talk. Say everything, from the deepest guilt to the filthiest thought, to the things you wanna try, from your ambitions to your insecurities! Make relationships normal again. Also be patient. 

And before anybody asks again as to why and how I know this, (tbh i dont think i do) please just stop asking questions and take inspiration to be a better man and a better woman for your respective halves.

That's about it. Thanks very much.

As ever,

Ambika