What do women want?

 It’s 3 am nearly, and my brain is still overworking over matters of the heart and cupid. And so I have thoughts. Like always. 

NEWSFLASH- IT IS BLOODY LONG. Lol. 

Women are fascinating creatures.

Actually no — humans are fascinating creatures. But women? Women are layered. Emotional. Analytical. Contradictory. Soft and strong simultaneously. We can cry over a dead fictional character and then argue like lawyers five minutes later. We can say “I’m fine” while visibly not being fine and then get irritated when someone doesn’t notice we’re not fine. Beautifully exhausting species, honestly.

And before men start preparing counterarguments, relax. Men are complex too. But women are emotionally engineered in a way that makes us process life very deeply. Some women more than others.

And I think I fall into the latter category. I feel like I am pretty chill with relationships.

(This is me btw talking without ever being in one, so unnecessary gyaan isn’t appreciated. It’s a story. Entertainment and brain scratching, so just read okay.)

A few days ago I had this discussion with Dad and Tauji about what women actually want. And honestly? The question itself is funny because people ask it like women are some ancient encrypted civilization.

“What do women WANT?”

Brother. Peace. Respect. Good food. Stability. Attention. Maybe clear skin. Depends on the day.

But genuinely speaking, I think men often misunderstand women because they think women are searching for perfection.

At least in my case, that’s not true at all.

Now look, I’m not the type to obsess over boys. Truly.

If I’m walking down the street and I see someone attractive, I’ll obviously notice it. I’m not blind. I’ll think, “Okay wow, he’s hot.” But that’s where it ends.

A crush? Entirely different thing.

For me, attraction takes observation. Personality. Behaviour. Energy. The way someone speaks to waiters. The way they react when angry. The way they treat their mother. The way they talk about their ambitions. Whether they make me laugh unintentionally. Whether I feel calm around them.

Attraction, for me, is built. Not randomly assigned.

And honestly, I value personality way more than looks. Let’s be real — I’m no Aphrodite or Cleopatra, so imagining some Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt level man dramatically appearing outside my window is unrealistic. Also mildly terrifying.

Looks matter to an extent, obviously. Everybody notices appearance first. But looks are like the trailer. Personality is the actual movie.

I’d say attraction is probably 80% personality and 20% looks.

Actually okay maybe 60-20 because no real man has ever reached the standards of fictional men written by women aka 100. 

And that 60? Horribly difficult to score.

Because the thing is, women don’t necessarily want “perfect.” We want compatibility.

And there’s a huge difference.

Men often say:
“Women only want the perfect guy.”

Nope.

Perfect means different things to everybody. That’s literally what a “type” is dum dums. One girl likes soft, quiet intellectual men. Another likes gym bros. Another likes musicians. Another wants a guy who can make her laugh till she cries.

Perfection is subjective.

To me, perfection is not two flawless people existing in a permanently romantic montage.

That sounds fake. And honestly? Boring.

Perfection is two imperfect people complementing each other’s imperfections.

Maybe one day you’re emotionally drained and functioning at 20%, so I carry the remaining 80. Maybe another day I’m exhausted and overwhelmed and you become the emotionally stable one for both of us.

Nobody operates at 100 all the time.

And relationships shouldn’t expect that either.

I think that’s where modern relationships get confusing sometimes. People think love means constant excitement. Constant butterflies. Constant validation. Constant posting. Constant intensity.

Imagine waking up every day like:

"My love, your eyes resemble moonlit stars."

"Darling, your existence heals my soul."

Brother I would pass away from cringe.

A little disagreement matters. A little fighting matters.

A little sadness matters. Because that's real life. Two imperfect individuals creating their own version of perfect. 

I look at a lot of teenage relationships around me and sometimes it feels more performative than emotional. Matching bios. Posting each other every two hours. Making out publicly at functions. Public fights. Public patch-ups. Entire relationships happening for an Instagram audience.

And maybe that works for some people. Truly. No judgement.

But personally? Romance means something entirely different to me.

Not fantasy. Not unrealistic standards. Not “he must buy me the moon.”

Just companionship.

That’s literally it.

Someone I can exist comfortably around.

Someone who feels like peace.

And sometimes the opposite sex understands certain emotions in ways your girlfriends can’t. Not because one is better than the other — just different.

I don’t mean a “bro” friendship either. I already have that. I mean someone who understands both your strength and softness simultaneously.

Someone who lets you be emotional without making you feel dramatic.

Someone who gives you space while also making you feel wanted.

Someone protective but not controlling.

Someone clingy in the sweetest way but still respectful of individuality.

A guy who hypes me up but also pushes me to become better.

Someone boyish, bro-ish, masculine, soft, protective, competitive, and emotionally intelligent all at once.

Basically impossible.

But anyway.

I think what women really want is emotional safety.

And emotional safety is so much deeper than people realise.

It’s being able to speak honestly without fear of humiliation.

It’s knowing that if you cry, you won’t be mocked.

It’s knowing that if you succeed, your partner won’t feel threatened.

It’s being admired without being controlled.

Because I genuinely do not understand hyper-possessive relationships.

I see people acting like:
“You cannot talk to another girl.”
“You cannot talk to another guy.”
“Send location.”
“Who liked your story?”
“Why were you online?”

Brother are we dating or conducting criminal investigations?

I don’t own you. You don’t own me.

You should have female friends. I should have male friends. That is normal.

Relationships should operate on loyalty, admiration, trust, and mutual respect.

Not surveillance.

Now jealousy in tiny doses? Cute.

The kind where your partner looks at you when you’re dressed up and goes:
“God, you look unreal.”
“That’s my girl.”
“I’m about to fight every man staring at you.”

THAT kind. 

Not:
“Delete every male contact or perish.”

And obviously it should be reciprocated because if my man looks good, I will behave like his biggest fan.

I’ll absolutely say:
“How did I manage to bag the hottest person alive?”
“Every girl here wants you.”
“You look ridiculously handsome.”

Because admiration matters.

People underestimate how important it is to feel desired in a relationship.

Not objectified. Desired.

There’s a difference.

And another thing I’ve noticed is how differently men and women are taught to handle emotions.

People always joke that women mix every problem together and make emotional khichdi.

And honestly? Sometimes true.

A woman can have problems at work, problems with friends, come home tired, and suddenly the microwave stops working — and she explodes emotionally.

The microwave isn’t the issue. It’s accumulated frustration.

But when men say they “deal with everything separately,” I don’t think that’s entirely true either.

Imagine a man has a horrible day at work. Bad meetings. Stress. Traffic. Exhaustion. Then someone at home says one tiny thing that triggers him.

Did he react because of that one sentence?

Or because the entire day emotionally exhausted him?

Exactly.

Humans carry emotional spillover. Men and women both do it.

The difference is mostly conditioning.

Because boys grow up hearing:

“Why are you crying like a girl?”
“Man up.”
“Don’t be weak.”

And honestly? That sentence alone has damaged generations of men emotionally.

Because what does that even mean?

When children fall down, both boys and girls cry. Nobody is born believing vulnerability is shameful.

Society teaches it.

Then years later people wonder why communication becomes difficult in relationships.

Because women are usually encouraged to express emotion while men are encouraged to suppress it.

And I think women deeply crave emotional openness from men.

Not weakness. Not dependency. Just honesty.

A woman wants a man who can let the “strong masculine mask” fall sometimes and simply exist as a human being.

And yes, women also make mistakes.

A lot of women demand space but refuse to give it back. Some romanticise unhealthy attachment. Some confuse obsession with love.

This whole “ek jism do jaan” thing sounds poetic until you realise it can become emotionally suffocating.

Love should add to your individuality, not erase it.

Which is why I think healthy love sounds something like:
“I love you deeply. But I am still my own person.”

And can we PLEASE discuss love languages because genuinely half the world’s relationship issues would disappear if people understood them properly.

There are five:
Physical touch. Quality time. Words of affirmation. Gifts. Acts of service.

And people express love differently through all of them.

Some people say “I love you” verbally every ten minutes. Some people buy gifts. Some people sit quietly beside you for hours because presence itself is their love language.

For me personally, I’ve realised my biggest love languages are physical touch and quality time.

And no, physical touch is not just sex and not just limited to romantic relationships. It could also mean how you cope with things. It could be expected in any relationship and situation.

It’s hugs. Holding hands. Forehead kisses. Leaning on someone’s shoulder. Sitting with your feet tucked under them while talking nonsense for hours. A pat on the back. Or even a handshake at times.

Comfort.

And quality time matters to me because attention is effort.

If someone genuinely listens to me speak, remembers tiny details, spends intentional time with me despite being busy — that means everything to me.

The others matter too, obviously. But less intensely.

And I think that’s what people miss when asking what women want.

Women don’t all want the same man.

Women want emotional safety. Admiration. Trust. Stability. Excitement. Friendship. Attraction. Respect. Understanding. Effort. Individuality. Vulnerability. Humour. Consistency.

Basically?

A woman wants a man in his most human form.

Not perfect.

Just real.

And I understand its not always possible to live upto this either. And thats okay. That is what is needed. Neither all mushy. Neither all dominance toxic bdsm shit. 

And look I know this is all woman oriented. But i’m not an extremist in the made up “woman is the best” feminist bullshit. To me its equality. Again not extreme like “I wanna grow a ding dong to pee! so unfair!” types. 

The next one I write will be about “what men want, Ambika’s take” 

Anyway these are my highly intellectual observations as a 17-year-old girl who should probably stop psychoanalysing human relationships at ungodly hours of the night.

And before anybody asks — no questions will be entertained regarding my ex-crushes or how I know so much and how am I even mature to understand all of this. Even Idk

Heheheheheee.

Peace ☮️ 

As ever,

Ambika